In relationships, you argue. It’s just a simple fact when becoming close to someone that you’re bound to disagree on at least a few things. Navigating disagreements within a relationship is much like driving a car in the sense that you chose when to keep going forward, back up, stay still, or cruise.
In happy relationships arguments appear more like occasional driver insurance whereas as a couple you occasionally go down the road of disagreement, and you seem to always return home to peace and quiet fairly quickly.
Sounds easy enough, right? But when the arguments center around politics, money, infidelity, substance abuse, or overall unhappiness within a marriage, these roads are much harder to come back from. The most common reasons for divorce are:
- Lack of compatibility
- Lack of communication
- Constant arguing
Whether you see one or all of these things within your relationship, know that these issues are anything but uncommon and unique. You are not alone.
Relationships blossom when the seeds planted are surrounded by rich healthy soil. Plant enthusiasts will say that the real blossom starts with the roots. Even though you can’t see them, roots are what keep what’s above the surface alive and beautiful.
Relationships aren’t much different in the sense that the healthier a relationship is at home, the more beauty there is for others to see, which is also the reason why our friends and loved ones often seem to know about our unhappiness before we realize it.
#1 – Lack of Compatibility
It’s likely that when you first got together, you bonded over similarities in hobbies, politics, and life goals. However, as we get older, those goals, opinions, and views on life can change for any number of reasons.
If you’ve found yourselves arguing more than usual, these are good places to see if you’re still in agreement on. Having a calm discussion about how each of you is feeling in a way that is separate from your relationship can be a way to either replant those roots or realize that the issues you’ve been having come from a bad foundation.
#2 – Money Problems
What was your financial position when you first got together? What were your aspirations as a couple? People like to romanticize that money doesn’t matter when it comes to love, but finances play a huge role in how we live our lives so financial strain on a relationship is no small matter.
It is normal for everyone to go through financial highs and lows, but in either case, a couple needs to be on the same page. When you have a fiscally irresponsible or extremely stingy partner, the feeling of compatibility and stability may be lost.
Breaking up over money is not an impractical reason for a split. The best thing you can do is to talk with your partner about the realities of your finances and where you feel uncomfortable or address where you need more.
If even the best compromise still leaves you unsatisfied, finances could very well be the crack that causes the relationship to shatter.
#3 – Lack of Good Communication
Sit down and make a list of what’s been bothering you. Sometimes it’s hard to articulate our emotions or pinpoint exactly where our frustration is coming from, but we can’t expect our partners to make sense of what we don’t understand ourselves.
Take a step back and organize your thoughts before continuing arguments. What do you want? Does your partner envision a similar picture?
When you’ve exhausted yourself trying to communicate, you should not beat yourself up. Instead, slow down and analyze the causes of the miscommunication. Understanding the source of the issue doesn’t always lead to resolution, and sometimes no resolution is still a positive outcome.
#4 – Infidelity
Even the word is uncomfortable. Infidelity in most cases doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It is likely that before cheating, there were previous issues that were putting strain on the relationship. Though it is possible to repair a relationship from all of the negative side effects, from cheating, it is extremely hard to overcome.
There is a beauty in forgiveness that most of us can probably agree on, but only you can say what the terms of your forgiveness entail. Staying with an unloyal partner can do serious damage on your mental health so don’t do yourself a disservice in the name of romantic love.
Self-love should always come first and if your current relationship has put your physical or mental health in jeopardy, it is time for a divorce.
#5 – Constant Arguing
It is okay to admit that you’ve been having a hard time in your relationship. Often we feel like we can discuss issues with just our partners, but those built-up, angry discussions are what can make a mild argument or disagreement extra spicy.
If you are finding it hard to beat the stress and your romantic life has been feeling like an endless loop lately due to constant arguments, it might be time to seriously consider that ugly word you’ve been avoiding — divorce. If it seems that nothing is working to get your relationship back on track, it’s possible that your relationship has run its course.
Let Go and Let it Be
You may be thinking that separation is too soon to think about or that getting a divorce means that you have failed. However, old narrations of separation are the first mental block to overcome.
Life is too short to feel trapped in a relationship or any situation that you feel isn’t helping you serve your purpose or goal in life. There is no shame in taking action against what you feel has hindered your happiness, and admitting that you need to find yourself is more than a selfless act.
Marriage is beautiful when it’s working, but when it’s not, things can get really ugly. No matter what relationship stage you’re in, remember that you cannot serve others if you are not also serving yourself.
Letting things be is the acceptance of what we cannot change, and letting go can be the dropping of the weight that has held you down for longer than needed.
Danielle Beck-Hunter writes and researches for the car insurance comparison site, CarInsuranceComparison.com. Danielle is an advocate for healthy living in all forms with an emphasis on mental health and emotional stability.